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Img 20140927 212142 by jadedstar13 Img 20140927 212142 :iconjadedstar13:jadedstar13 0 0
Literature
goodnight, goodnight
i lie in bed and wait for sleep to come take me away- far, far beyond this relm in which i'm stuck. i feel as if i am reliving the same exact day over and over, but yet, with each new dawn rising, i'm just choosing my options a little differently... priorities pick at my head like piranahs at fresh flesh, eating thru the last tiny bit left... eyes rolling back, as i fall a neverending fall, back into my reoccuring nightmares- my self.destructive daydreams... slicing at each layer my skin has to offer... over and over... a warm rush releases and the cycle begins again... i walk hand in hand with self.hate and i sleep with desire, still, nothing sparks the light i hold somewhere inside... i kiss the masked face of an angel that comes to me in dreams, yet dissapates the moment the night terrors begin... and i am left alone again to fend for myself and for this barely beating heart of mine... my whole being convolses in my bed while oh-so-many daydreams dance in my head... wishing it
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Literature
chaotic
losing my mind...words turning in my head...a chaotic scene of anarchy...my body is weak...hands thrown up...and...down...and the rain keeps on pouring- me*
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Literature
uncomfortably numb
i'm always swimming against the tide...undertoe pulling at my ankles...strong currents yanking at my feet...salty water forcing itself down my throat, up my nose... tears mixing with the unforgiving tide...full moon beaming down a stream of white light- the only thing breaking the pitch blackness that i am losing myself in... constallations of stars strewn across the vast night sky...they are watching me choke...watching me sink into the black abyss of this dark, restless water...it's so cold and the numbness is starting to take over...the tears are constant, this struggle is forever...but right now, i can fight no longer...   *me*
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Literature
burn
i'll strike a match and burn these days because the pain forthcomming in moments...minutes...hours...is all too much to bare.   *me*
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Literature
quench
*...dying...trying to find a way...to quench this thirst...MY thirst...for creativity...for SOME kind of outlet...a release of all these emotions i feel...ALL THESE THOUGHTS I THINK...for all the pain...  *...any tiny bit of pleasure...that i hold inside...that runs thru my veins...it flows thru my head and reflects thru my eyes...and that is where it stays...  *...my heart pumps emotional rhapsody thru my being...trying to release itself out my hands...and onto the paper...however, for so long, this pen has yet to move from one spot...   -me*
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Literature
direction
my feet hang... dangling over the edge of an extremely high cliff. the rain pounding down on me. droplets falling into the mass amounts of water below. grey clouds hang above my head, fastly moving along... here, in my state of isolation, there is no sun... no happiness... just misery and grief- my only company.
    chucking large rocks over the edge, i slip into my past... the days when the sun shown, days when the rain didn't fall so heavily. all of those moments of joy and radiant light... until i stumbled onto this cliff. i've been sitting here for days, months, trying to figure out what went wrong... could it have been just one devistating moment, turned memory, in my life that had caused all of this anguish and self-loathing? or was it all just building up in the attic of me- my mind- soon to be overflowing... leaking out of me??
     should i just jump and put an end to all of these charcoal grey days? i turn around and all i see is n
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Literature
happy yesterdays
where do all the pictuers of happy yesterdays go?
why do they remain in our heads instead of our lives?
we prolong such a painful existance when we remain in the past...
and an even more painful one when we drown in what
once
was...
all of the words,
all of the things,
done...
all of the people...
i was pushed out of the life i once knew
and left to lead this one...
my mind,
my heart,
can't move as fast as my feet...
no longer going where i want,
but being pushed to choose...
always other options.
thinking it would be easier...
but it all reality,
it's much tougher...
i can't move any faster,
however,
i am still being shoved.
        XmeX    ((2000))
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Literature
unglued
as i sit here.
half-hearted.
the other piece of my soul,
fallen.
tears held in
so tightly.
body weak.
mind disorganized.
words make me hurt.
scars remain unhealed.
hands keep on shaking.
this pain remains unseen.
but this hurt still hurts.
and these scars still remain.
my soul died slowly
and
my heart,
still unglued...
            *me*   ((1999))
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Literature
as darkness envelopes me
it's so dark in here...
piercing silence...
chills up my spine...
am i still forgetting what day it is?
...like it matters...
i can see dim light
comming from above...
that place where i began.
...and i fell hard...
into this hole.
buried in darkness...
buried in tears...
i began on my way
back to the illuminating light.
escaping...
from all of these shades
of grey...
struggling to finally
get out.
my broken
and
bruised hands
clawing to pull my
scratched
and torn body out...
...taking deep breathes...
whisper goodbye...
falling...
crying...
pounding at the dirt
at the bottom of this hole.
i tried to get
back to where i belong...
yet the world above me
isn't ready
to accept me...
hide this ugly girl
down...
down in the pit
of despair...
stay in here.
don't try to escape.
because the world
that surrounds
will push you
right.
back.
down...
                     ((2002))
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Literature
stretching.for.miles
reaching out...
hands are tired,
feet, cold.
staring off-
stretching my arms,
my heart,
for miles...
still i can't reach you.
you're hiding...
but where?
glancing around
you're nowhere...
i haven't seen
your face
in so long.
no picture
to even remind me...
no letter.
no call.
merely a ghost
in my life-
a sadness
in my days...
why did you
step into my life,
wipe away the grey,
and then sneak
away
before i awoke?
i wish,
sometimes,
that we had never
talked...
never touched...
i can still
smell you on my skin.
this hurts...
i let you in-
you destroyed me.
too soon for love...
but where were you as a
friend?
sad songs
echo
in my room.
phone
off the hook...
can't do this anymore.
no more chasing after you.
you want me so bad-
but you're "too afraid"?!
hate to say it,
but you're
losing
me-
soon.
unrequited love.
look once
more,
don't reach out-
i'll be gone...
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Literature
expectations
never meeting expectations,
always falling short.
never amounting to standards,
always dissapointing...
i will never be enough.
feeling like you are looking down apon me
with eyes full of disgust...
i thought you loved me
for me...
i haven't changed anything
but the bad.
you say you love me still
but how come i feel
small needles poking thru my skin
as words are spit out
of your disapproving eyes?
will i ever pull myself up
to the cliff above
where you stand
looking down?
or will i fall..?
because i always seem to.
please reach out your hand...
please take me as i am...
because it's all i ever
was.
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Literature
a good night for dying
looking at your face...
so gentle to the touch,
yet so rough to the heart.
a deep, sinking feeling
floes thru my insides
at each glance.
stab me,
please,
it'll probably hurt less...
than this screaming.
scratched
and
torn.
stumbling over words.
fumbling over my feet.
tonight felt like a good night
for dying...
crying.
punching.
cut open hands...
cut open heart.
wind against my
tear-filled face.
red and frustrated.
there's no explaining.
no excuses.
looking into your eyes,
i see insecurities
flowing around.
bright red veins,
growing incresingly more red...
jealous words.
hateful thoughts.
can you see the tears
running down my face?
how much this hurts me?
naah.
no one knows that
you're killing me.
i'm sorry but
tonight did seem like
a good night for
dying...
but instead i chose
to let your insecurities
and jealous remarks
slowly break me down...
until i'm nothing...
hollow inside....
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Literature
worlds entertwined
intertwined lives
interlocked hearts
your world
and my world
crash
at the moment
our eyes
totally met...
making another world,
our world...
yet, we remain
in our own
and then we take
eachother's hand
and walk into
the seperate,
tranquil world
we created.
beautious, are
you.
shadows casting down
and darkening certain
features.
walk into the light
with me, angel...
seeing all of you
and you,
seeing all of me.
walking all
the way
to forever...
smiles.
embraces.
cover me in
your heart
as i have covered
you in mine...
everything around
us
is faded
and the moving
lights are dashing.
and we return back
to our seperate
worlds...
yet know still
that we are not
alone...
i smile knowing
that i'm still
covered...
with your heart  <3
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Literature
...sorry...
and you pick me apart.
never saying sorry...
you never said you're sorry.
emotional scars
bleed.
they hurt.
razorblade cuts.
slices.
my tears...
you never say sorry...
you've never said you're sorry.
make me cry.
make me bleed.
hurt me.
feeling numb.
nothing left.
and you never said sorry...
never felt sorry.
drops of blood.
the last words that left your lips-
"i don't think this is going
to work out between us..."
asleep.
it left me bleeding...
never heard
"i'm sorry"...
me   11/27/2002
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Literature
cigarettes and alcohol
i kill my lungs with cigarette smoke and disinegrate my liver with alcohol... sanity seaps out my ears and im left struggling to grasp the small amount of hope that still lingers inside, somewhere... im losing my grip with each passing moment... scratching at these walls that are moving in on me with each new day... cant move. cant breathe... breaking my way thru glass- shards tear holes in my flesh... rusty razorblades cover the ground i walk apon. cautious. careful. yet it doesnt kill nor ease the pain. all i want is to live. to love. to be loved. cant stand this struggle anymore... wanting so bad to embrace this life ive been given, yet these demons inside obstruct my path. my vision... i abuse my mind. my body... nowhere close to what some do to themselves, but while they float thru days. thru life... im pulling rusty nails from my chest. my eyes... sleep escapes me now... why was i seemingly chosen to see, to feel, all of the despares, disapointments, in life? in the world? while
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jadedstar13
elicia
United States
Current Residence: Jersey Girl- & not one of those we now see all over tv. ugh.

Favourite genre of music: metal. metalcore. screamo. hardcore.

Favourite photographer: i admire many

Favourite style of art: every and any

Operating System: my body?

MP3 player of choice: IPOD

Skin of choice: tattoo'd n pierced :)

Favourite cartoon character: geez... i feel like i am answering a myspace quiz!

Personal Quote: everything happens for a reason- even if that reason sucks!
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:iconplacidanemia:
PlacidAnemia Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2015
thanks for the fav :aww:
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Jackovdaily Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2014
Thank you so much for the :+fav: and watch! :dummy: Your support is very much appreciated. :bow:
If you frequent Facebook feel free to like my page if you wish. :worship: www.facebook.com/blackhart.art
Keep up the awesomeness!
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SilverYuuki Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Thanks for the fav :)
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parallel-pam Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2014   Photographer
thanks for the :+fav: :-)
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Kid-Eternity Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2014

Thank you for the :+fav: :D

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Andriandreo Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Thank a lot for the :+fav: in Ocean cherry ;)
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Erenne Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you for the favourite! :hug:
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Xxmunster13xX Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
thanks for the fave  Hug
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Poetrymann Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2014  Professional Writer
A big thank-you for faving my work!
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30-AMP Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2014  Professional General Artist
Thanks for the fave. :)
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